March 23, 2017
Not a day has gone by since January 3rd that I haven’t thought about your beautiful smile, your amazing hugs or sweet, thoughtful and wise words. It will always hurt- sometimes a little less & sometimes a little more- but the hurt and missing piece will always be there.
I wish I could talk to you at this very moment and tell you how strong you were and how strong you’ve made me. How you’ve helped me open my eyes to not only self-compassion, but compassion for the others. How perspective is everything and remembering that will help you judge less and love more. That life is hard sometimes, unbearable even; but in those times you should remember & reach out to those that love you. Not that have just told you, but have shown you. Because those are the people that will dive deep into that hole with you and help you climb out.
These last 79 days have reminded how short, fragile and precious this life is. That it’s much too short to care what other people think and spend time doing things that don’t bring you some type of joy. That isn’t worth your time trying to please others that don’t appreciate you and that your happiness isn’t dependent upon your situation. It’s dependent on your mindset and your choices to make every day the best day it can be. Even if that means waking up and surviving.
I think I was numb for so long, I didn’t realize how far away I was from my authentic self. It’s heartbreaking that such traumatic, shocking and devastating events have to sometimes happen to wake you up. While there isn’t a day that has gone by that I haven’t wished I hugged you tighter or asked you about YOU that Christmas Day, I want you to know how many people you have woken up. Not just me, not just your loved ones, but all the people who have heard your story. I wish more than anything we could sit down today and I could tell you about my journey since you’ve been gone. How I wish I could have saved you and how you saved me. I love you and I miss you, Gavin Wesley Bush.